Zu is getting us worried. As usual, I said the wrong thing, or rather, we. Both Lek and I suggested that she write about the departure of a friend for her Chinese composition. Departure, supposedly, leaving the country for studies etc. But she took it as, the departure of a soul, of Ber's soul.

I know she must be feeling shitty now. I experienced that before. The worse feeling you ever get, when people talk about live. Especially when someone dearly left. Dejected, I know. Now all I wish is that Zach and Mab and find her. I shall wait for their good news.

Fine, I shall go out and look for her now.

Makoto, whatever it is, we'll be there for you. Though we're hanging out lesser these days but do remember that Bryan is always there praying for your well-doing etc. Don't give up hope on yourself, don't.

Zu, thank you for being there but you've become more and more pessimistic. But it's a good thing that you're slightly more motivated in studies now. All the best.

Davier, you're the smart ass, you need no advices on studies. Instead, more on managing problems etc. You've stop going to church. You prefer to worship at home now. Nonetheless, we're still brothers. Just look for me anytime you want, 24-7.

Davier's changing for the better.

Maybe I could have talked openly with him long ago. I'm contented to just read that he's willing to put the relation down and try to start out being friends with Zu again. At least, 4 of us and be back the usual best friends. I'm elated, I can't express myself.

Thank God.

Home, so early.

Cancelled all consultations and took early leave home today because I am really hell tired and I think my brains are malfunctioning soon if I do not rest well. Thus, there is sufficient reason for me to leave school early. It's not really early anyway.

Flu is killing me. Like how it's killing the others. People, get well soon. And now I realise, Zu has got real good immune system. Once she's hit with a virus, it means that the virus is uber cool and strong. Thus, strong people like us gets infected too. Fight fight fight.

Priscilla recorded me a voicemail this morning and it really made my day. Here it goes.. "Flu is a virus, that I just want to minus. No more surprises if you.. Use your brain, use your brain, use your brain!" And I start wondering during Bio lesson, where on Earth did she sing it. Because the timing should be the time she's on the bus. Haha, if she really sang that on the bus, I'm so gonna salute her!

Holy, I just completed my homework. And I even have the time to blog! I have yet to bathe, bla bla but who cares? Mom's sending me to school later. Bryan, you're oh-so-motivated. Lotsa girls gonna flung themselves to you later. Dream on!

Good day ahead! :-D

I've yet to complete my Biology. I did not procrastinate, but still I can't finish my work. Everyone else plan to not finish their work but I must finish it all in order to attain what I want. I shall not sleep for the future benefit for myself. But Zu and Christy made me to vow, that I'll sleep at least 2 hours. Hmm, maybe I should just skip school. Hell no.

I pray for you to get better soon.

Everyone's sick, thanks to the sharing of food last night. Pris, Diya, Malcom, Lek, Myself, Zu, Shihan, Skye. Hahahaha, flu virus attacking, protect yourself people!

Back from Makkkky's house.

Happy Birthday Mak and I'll see you again 14 hours time for the official celebration. Went over to Mak's house for a not so surprising surprise with Malcom, Toshiro, Nikki, Bell and Pris. Expected la. To be continued because Bryan is dead tired. The rest couldn't join along because they have serious work to do, even more important than Mak's birthday. I'm trying to sow discord here. :D

Fingers just can't stop typing..

Back from the crab feast. I didn't know I was put in such awkward position too. The sitting arrangement was totally sucky. She was stuck in between the both of us. Throughout the dinner, her head seemed to hand on a sprained neck. All she did was keep talking to me, trying to avoid the embarrassments. Dumb Hanpeng and his idea.

Davier asked awkward questions, she tried changing topic. For a moment, I thought my soul left my body. I wasn't my usual self. That kinda feeling when you're at a super bright shopping mall, where everything seems so unfamiliar, like a total stranger. That feel suck. For once, I thought I'm in another world of my own.

Dinner. It was salvaged by dearest Pris and Darryl with their random slapstick humor and I really really want to thank the both of you for helping her. Z wasn't behaving like her usual self. I know today is a total shit for her because imbecile like Hanpeng tried putting both of them together. Remember, my reason (d) in the previous post?

We had crabs, shark fin, fish, etc. Free meals are always nice, regardless of what. Sounds like some budget beggar on street but hey, Pengpeng is paying. But I really hated him for the idea of "matchmaking 2". I pity Zu for being in such position, I pity Davier for being ignored by Zu, I pity myself for being stuck in between.

We fought over her, and now she's sitting in between us. The feeling is like a movie. Like the both of us are fighting over her due to jealously. After sending her home, Davier and I had a nice talk. None will eventually get her because she won't want another relationship. All we can do is to pray hard and clear all her obstacles. Sometimes I wonder, till when can we protect her? Till the day she get a new love, the day she really grow up and stop being so wilful, or the day I die. I promise, I'll protect her, like how Joey, Hanpeng, Shihan, Kent, and Davier will.

You're the youngest among us. And maybe that's why, you're the most pampered, the one who always can't stand up on your own. When you fall, you always expect one of us to hold your hand and help you up. When you face problems, you have the tendency to wait for us to solve it for you. We can protect you, but.. Try to be independent. You must grow, you must.

We always help you, regardless of what. We give in to you, because we dote on you. The society is cruel and not everyone will do whatever you want. We're your brothers and sisters, that's why we don't mind giving you whatever you want. When it's time, all of us will be doing our own stuffs. We want to see you grow, we want to see you solve your problems like an adult.

And to Davier, we're been friends since young, we were brothers. Now, it seems like we're no longer as close. Due to her, due to studies and other commitments. But please, don't put her in a difficult position. Makoto, yourself, Zu and I will always be the Best Four together. I wish we can get back to the past where we play and create havoc wherever we go. Sometimes, letting go is the best thing.

Life is painting, like what Charis say. Paint it well, paint it good.

Service was fine. Today was about Hebrews and I had a nice coffee session with Pastor. Visited Caleb and he's feeling slightly better.

Christy suck big time. She wants me to piggyback her for 1 hour. Help me, she's as heavy as a pig.

Having AngMoKio crab later with Hanpeng, Zu, Christy, Chunyong, Malcom, Davier, Darryl, Priscilla, Makoto, Toshiro, Nikki, Bell, Skye, Diya, Kelvin. And maybe ValG, Mab and Nic will be joining us too. Hanpeng's treating tonight.

Due to the following reasons:
(a) Makoto's birthday dinner.
(b) Cheer Zu up.
(c) Cheer Davier up.
(d) With the thinking that this can pull them back.
(e) To spend his extra cash.

This is not a multiple choice. So you don't start choosing, choice a, b, c, d, or e. It's ALL OF THE ABOVE. This money is well spent, huh Peng? But sad to say, Youchuan can't join us today because he's booking in. Haha, Chunyong has wedding dinner. Weiboon is not free. You people can't enjoy the free meal ok, but don't be too sad.

I BELIEVE LEE HAN PENG WILL TREAT US AGAIN WHEN ZU IS SAD. I'm not asking her to cry every other day la. But hahahaha, can try sweet-talking Peng for a make-up dinner treat.

Zu, today's the day. I know you feel terrible, you're trying to hide your emotions. I understand. Since years ago, I'm always the first for you. And till now, I'm still the first. I'm proud to say that, and yes, don't thank me. Because you're there whenever I need you too. Yes, always the first also. It's a mutual thing. You be there for me, I'll be there for you. Smile, it's just a few more hours. I hope you won't face any embarrassment later. Anytime you feel embarrassed, just tell me. I'll save you from the awkward situation.

I love you, but I dare not to say. I know you won't accept this love, because you're fearful of it. I love you, I believe you can overcome this fear. <3

(handsome) · B says:
That's fast. Sleeeep now, pig.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
That's slow. Don't sleep, B.

(handsome) · B says:
And that's because I sent you home.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Don't lie. You didn't. =C

(handsome) · B says:
If not you'll be crying ok, my dear.

(handsome) · B says:
Dumb.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Don't anyhow dear me lei.. Hohoho!

(handsome) · B says:
Be my girlfriend.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Be my boyfriend.

(handsome) · B says:
I'm serious, not joking ok.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Hi Serious, Not Joking Ok.

(handsome) · B says:
You're driving me crazy!

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
I know. I drive everyone crazy.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Okok, be my boyfriend, Bryan. HAHAHA!

(handsome) · B says:
=.-

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Woah, double eyelid and single eyelid siol.

(handsome) · B says:
AHHHHHHHHHH!

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
I KNOW I'M DRIVING YOU CRAZY. I KNOW I KNOW! :D

(handsome) · B says:
It's 6.05 now. I've church later! Gotta sleep now.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Then sleep la, pig.

(handsome) · B says:
After you, bigger pig.

(handsome) · B says:
Humph, I'm so sad.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Bastard, you want me to care for you right?! :D

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
I knew it. :P

(handsome) · B says:
Yes. I want your love. I want your care and concern.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Walao, don't de-gusting please. Haha, DE-GUSTING.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Learnt from my classmate. :D

(handsome) · B says:
Sleeeeeeep now girl.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Sleeeeeeep now boy. Christy will go crazy if you become a panda.

(handsome) · B says:
I don't care about her!

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
I know la, you only care about me. But but but..

(handsome) · B says:
I really can't take it anymore. I wanna sleep.

(handsome) · B says:
Don't think too much over him ok.

(handsome) · B says:
Anyway, D wants me to tell you something, he dare not say.

(handsome) · B says:
He still love you but he knows you're answer.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Like so what, so what if he don't?

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
I'm just afraid of another failed relationship.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
If not why you think I still single! So many guys queueing for me ok.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
:( But sometimes, I'll just think back.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
We really had real nice moments and all the silly stuffs.

(handsome) · B says:
Hmmm find a better guy? LIKE ME!

(handsome) · B says:
Ok standard answer. *grins*

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Sleep la, if not I angry. Sms me tomorrow ok. You go sleep la brother!

(handsome) · B says:
For you, I shall sleep now.

(handsome) · B says:
Post this in my blog. Bye!

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Eh wth siol, don't post lei.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
EI, BRYAN LEE WEI HAN!

(handsome) · B says:
Lalala, say you love me.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
Fuck you! Bye freak BOYFRIEND. I LOVE YOU.

(dung) · Z love.. Oppps. says:
*PUKE

(handsome) · B says:
Sheeeeesh, by my girlfriend! :D



She's damn cute when she talks on msn. Hahaha, I can totally imagine her talking, as in her tone etc. Makoto just reached home. Ok I really need to sleep now because I've church later at 9. Check out the conversation, ha!

(dung) · Z grew fatter :( says:
Really la, thank you!

(handsome) · B says:
Hahahaha, that's nice of you, if only you mean it.

· M says:
What about me?!

(dung) · Z grew fatter :( says:
YOU MIA FOR SO LONG.

(dung) · Z grew fatter :( says:
You only care about ehem. I hate you Mak!

MabFoo says:
Gay. Hey guys, MTV Asia now. QUICK.

(handsome) · B says:
Shut up, c'mon Z, change your nice.

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
Done.

· M says:
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
That don't work on me, you know it.

MabFoo says:
Nice one. Omg, he's HOT.

Han says:
Kids, I'm done. Ready to leave?!

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
I'M A MUGGER! I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT.

· M says:
LIAR.

(handsome) · B says:
Makoto Yagishima is JEALOUS.

· M says:
I'm not. I know she love me.

Han says:
No she don't.

Han says:
C'mon, prata session now. Typing is tiring.

Han says:
Let's meet for supper and fight one-on-one.

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
Nice try but don't work on me.

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
No supper no supper!

MabFoo says:
I know you're hungry, bitch.

(handsome) · B says:
I am hungry. I'm sure everyone too.

(handsome) · B says:
Ask the rest along. C'mon study after supper.

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
Crap, after that sure slack looooooo. __

Han says:
Mei, so vulgar walau.

· M says:
Excuse me, you guys are suppose to cheer me up. I'm supposed to be like very sad now because I'm not in Zu's nick.

Han says:
Oh, okok.

Han says:
Makoto, cheer up. Z love M.

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
I don't. Don't put words into my mouth.

MabFoo says:
Mouth meh? Where where? Erm, time for supper guys. I'm hungry. I'm like.. waiting for you guys to set a time. I think Christy is hot.

(handsome) · B says:
Why say that? Christy's a bitch. She forced me! Haha

MabFoo says:
Btw, I saw Lexson at Plaza Sing today.

Han says:
So?

MabFoo says:
JUST BEING RANDOM, FUCKER.

Han says:
Fuck you back. Nah, don't want.

Han says:
No supper for calling me fucker.

MabFoo says:
Fine, leave you out. Let's go people, Hanhan finally say he's not going. PEACE!

(handsome) · B says:
That's what I'm waiting for.

(dung) · Z thank Bryan for being here forever says:
Same. Supper without Han = yayness!

· M says:
I'm no longer angry. Hahahahaha, it works!

· M says:
Han, action speaks louder than words. Don't come.

Han says:
BASTARD. Nvm, you guys go ahead. I called Yc, Wb down.

Han says:
And we seperate table ok. I'm treating them.

· M says:
THEN I SHALL TREAT THE OTHERS.

· M says:
Just make sure you don't join us.

(handsome) · B says:
PURRRR-FECTTT!

MabFoo says:
So 3.45am ok. On set, bye.

Time to sleep now, close your eyes..

I'm singing that to Zu. I miss so many people. Top on the list, Ms Christy. Once again, I'm forced to say so. =X

Woke up at 7am to study. Managed to finished lots of stuff. Yes, accomplishment is the best feeling ever I tell you straight into your face. Haha, I had only 2 hours of sleep but I still feel awake. Like what she said, mind over body. Sometimes, motivation keeps you going for a super long journey.

My motivation was her. My motivation was to set a good example for her. Anyway, since I've studied so so so so so much, it's time a reward myself. (Uh Bry, not again.) Darryl, Mab, Val, Da and Pris will be coming over for Wii session followed on by a good supper. Hah, Bryan this slacker. Fine, I DID WORK HARD.

Another good thing to add. Wait, today's a great day I must say. Okok back to my another good thing to add. Dad called and we managed to 3G. Talked to him for a good 50mins. He's conference is making him mad and drained. Dad, come back and we shall play Wii together. Winning Eleven? No problem. Do remember to bring some gifts back in order to motivate me. MOTIVATION IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR AN A STUDENT LIKE ME.

Just came back from supper at BoonKeng with Youchuan, Weiboon, Brandon and Jordan. Supper was perfect and for once we're free from the only female. Hahaha, she'll rage when she sees this tomorrow, I swear.

Way too deep into love. <3

Someone's birthday is coming..

M
A
K
O
T
O
!

:-( Dad flew off to Germany again. This time, I had many emotions going on. It is a norm for him to leave. But now, it seems like we have less time for each other. After school each day, I'm just so drained up that I totally forget to express my love to Mom. We used to chat every other night after my school work. But now..

Dad, take care.

Bad news early in the morning.

Dad's leaving for Germany again tonight because of some shiat conference. But he left his card with me to get whatever I want. Mom, let's go shopping.

Uh, did I mention I lost my Ipod Classic!

And the best thing is.. Dad's coming back from Germany tomorrow and I've told him about it. He said, "It's ok son, you work hard, you get what you want. What's with that cheap Ipod?" And he added, "For your results, I'll buy you another one, and one more item on your to get list."

I say, it's good to have a rich dad.

I know you're jealous. Mab, Zach, Malcom, Makoto, Nikki, Toshiro, Leren, Ziqin, Pris, Darryl, Davier, Christy, Olivia bla bla.. Whoever is reading. Hahaha, I'm a genius. I totally told this issue to my dad at a perfect timing. When he just arrive Singapore and when he's busy doing whatever he needs to do. Oh and he got me a ManU jersey. Totally!

And for this, Bryan Lee Wei Han shall smile for the next 48 hours.

I wonder, if the smile on your face is true. To me, after you entered JC, it seems like a forceful smile. The smile that surfaced to not disappoint your friend, the smile that surfaced to not dampen your friends' day. You used to smile every other second, and please, even Lek agrees that you give that kiddish smile when you sleep. Ok, everyone knows that you smile for whatever. I mean, smiled, past tense.

Maybe it's because of the stress that you're unable to handle, you're still not adapting to it. Take it slowly, step by step. You'll find a solution to it. I want you to smile like before. That smiling-is-free face that Pris say you always give. We miss your bright smile, we miss your loudest laughter.

Yearning for that smile on your face..

The feeling never fade though..

Dinner was mighty, but short of one. Hard to get almost full attendance. Usually, Malcom / Liangjie will be the idiot who's absent for all dinners but surprisingly, they're here, but not Zu. Here it goes.

Zu: Eh your Mom cooking?
Bry: Uh, as usual, so budget.
Zu: My Mom never cool leh, jio the rest.
Bry: I think she's cooking.
Zu: Wah cool, call Mab they all.
Bry: Ok sure sms.
*With some random stuffs in between. Hahaha!

So all came, except her. But she have a good and valid reason. She was studying in school. I'm glad to see that she's finally working hard. Though it's late, but never too late. And today, I saw Natchew at the busstop. He asked if we're together, I said no. He was even more surprised than me telling him that I was a gay jokingly. If you're bewildered by why that's so, I can repeat it, despite reiterating it for so many darn times.

I like her, that's so sure and it's so obvious and even my Maxy and Macy knows it. This feeling was there long ago. It is sort of two sided, but we know we can't get together. Again, the word is "can't". Because of the awkward scenario that we'll face if things turn out bad etc. To be smart, just make it a relationship-less love? We both know the feelings are real, we both know. Even if she were to like someone else, this still stays. We're never together, so nothing got to do with betraying each other's feelings or what so ever.

Back to dinner. (Sorry for side-tracking)

Malcom, Liangjie, Nicholas, Lek, Mabby, ValG, Pris, Darryl, Zach, Davier, Christy, and I. One missing, so obvious. Haha, definitely lots of laughter missing and I miss her updates! I thought tonight will be a nice night for us to exchange what happened. Haven't really talk to her for like 123456789 days. Hahaha, that's longer than your lifespan if you were so dumb to calculate. But, anyway, dinner was still fabulous, with someone lacking. (I have to keep emphasising on this, if not she'll say I don't see her importance.)

Pris and Darryl's nonsense as usual, Zach's philosophies, Davier's nice jokes, Mabby's cool yet dumb vulgarities etc. Well, time to mug, since Zu is mugging so hard.

Went over to Zu's place with Lekkkky to cheer her up and it was a success. Bryan is on the way back to his normal self. Please, be patient, wait and see.

Lekkkky love titties. Hahaha, nice.

For once, I'm looking on the bright side of life. Zu, Mab and Pris came over at 3am last night, just to cheer me up with their nonsense. Pyjamas attack at Bryan's house! That's what they say. Followed on by their motivational and inspiring cards.. And.. Malcom's recorded awful singing. Friends are always the best like what Zu always say.

I was selfish, I know. And now it's time I make up for it. So many July and August babies and the key person is Zu. This year I promise to give you a surprising birthday present. Just wait and see. Mab's the second key person. :-D

Sorry that I'm not there to accompany you. I know this 5-lettered word won't help any, it's to ease my heart. I promise that I'll get things right on track, and be right there for you like I use to. But right now, I need you as much as how you need me. ValG's talking session was good, but I need your encouragements. I haven't seen you for good 2 weeks. Sorry Zu, Sorry Mal, Sorry ValG, Sorry Pris, Sorry Mab, Sorry Nic, Sorry Lek, Sorry Liangjie, Sorry Zach.

Resign to fate?

Yes.

I was selfish.
I wasn't managing my time well.
I neglected my family.
I neglected my friends.
I neglected her, my best friend, Z.
I no longer think for others.
I only think about Caleb.
I am a selfish kid.
I am utterly sorry.

I don't want to be the same old Bryan Lee Wei Han. I want to start afresh. I wish nothing happened, I wish you're still strong and lively.

Listening: Merry X'mas Mr Lawrence.

When memories flash back, I start thinking back about the stupid excuses I give. I ain't feeling any better. Take my words for real.

Bry, stop playing, Get down with serious work.

So curious about my results? Here..

General Paper - B
Economics - A
Physics - A
Biology - A
Mathematics - A

Drat, General Paper spoil my straight As. I shall work even harder. True enough, sometimes, our motivation can only help him mentally, but not physically. God, see him through.

Destiny you may call it. :-(

Brace up, Brace up.

I'm going crazy because of this. I've so many things to say to you, so many things that we as brothers have not done, so many crazy yet undone things we want to do together. You have to have the strong will and determination. God will see you true. Amen.

Take a knife and pierce through my heart.

It's not the first time I'm feeling it this way. There's so many heartbreaking issues floating around me. I don't know which to pick up. As a guy, we're expected not to shed a single tear for anything, but why? Mom felt my heartache, so so totally understand how I feel.

It's been a week since I last smile. Oh, smile, where are you? I want to bring joy to everyone around, but I can't because I myself is not feeling good. I'm not a good actor. You guys don't have to be an actor/actress to clown and cheer others up. Churchies, take care of yourselves. We're the pillar of each other, the pillar of our friends, our family. God will see him through, I hope..

It's a new month, I heard the Mosque's bell chimed at 12noon. I told him that there's still a glimpse of hope, so long as he don't give up. He's afraid that he'll end up like Ber. No matter what, leave it to God. Lord, answer our calls. His suffering won't make anyone feel better.