Belated, but nonetheless my intentions are the same. This will be a lengthy post, but I guess it'll be best if I say everything right now. Let's be open about this.

It's finally your 18th birthday. Not so much about being legal to get cigarettes, legal to club, legal to drink, legal to bet, legal to watch M18, able to get license or anything. I know 18th birthday is a no biggy to you.

First, still a happy birthday to you I hope. I'm glad you didn't tear on your birthday this year, like how you always do. I have to admit that our little sister has grown up, matured and has become more understanding and thoughtful. Unlike the past few years, we're not there to celebrate with you. All you're left with is just Lek, Mab and Val. I know it's very hard for you to get over this, some may not even be able to step out of it.

Very often, I worry about you, how will you be coping in Singapore. I don't worry much about the rest, I'm bias, I know, we all know. Even up till now, I'm still uncertain of what you're feeling. Are you really happier now? Are you able to handle with your studies? Are you able to do this and that? I have many things to worry about you. I'm afraid you'll meet Jordan, I'm afraid you take the easier but lousy way out for everything. I have too much to worry.

I used to chat with Ridley very often over MSN about you, without you knowing. (Now you know.) I get very worried when he don't say very good things about you. Most of the time, I'd be very bias and say things to defend you. I know you're changing for him, but I'm afraid that you're changing to make him happy, but not make yourself happy.

I tried to slowly stay away from you, because Lek is afraid that Ridley will get jealous. I'm afraid of this too. I even go to the extend to ask Pris to come up with excuses whenever you call or whenever Pris or anyone calls you. I blocked you on MSN, I stop updating my blog, I did not give you my new number even though I've gotten it long ago. I wanted to make you feel like I neglected you, that I've forgotten about you.

I was indeed hard for me at first. Because I feel bad. I know you're unhappy that I "neglected" you. All your conversations with Pris, Darryl, Zach, I was there listening, but I can utter a single word. Maybe by now, I'm no longer the best friend in you heart. I don't mind. But I just wish that you're happier in whatever ways.

Even on your birthday, I didn't want to call you. But still, I did, after Mom told me to. Mom know that I like you, Mom knows me too well. I did struggle for quite some time before calling you. Pris told me to be normal, like how I used to share things with you. I guess the 2 plus hours of talk with you was my best phone call ever. I finally get to talk to you after more than half a year. Tears welled up because I really miss the times we shared things together. Everything.

I get angry whenever you tell me what Ridley did to you sometimes. I feel sorry when you told me you had the urge to give up on your relation on many occasions. I was very shock to hear you say that you weren't really happy during the June holidays because of all your quarrels. Because Ridley didn't tell me about such major things that were happening. Perhaps he finds it awkward to tell me, or maybe, it's none of my business.

Researches, homework, projects. These three already take up almost 70% of my day. The other 15% would be sleeping, eating. And the remaining 5% worrying about you. Not just me, but Pris and Lek worry how you do. You're becoming less open with things now. You rather hide things within yourself cos you're afraid that we'll help you, you're afraid of wasting our time, afraid of hurting the other party. You don't know that it's making you more miserable. You don't know that you're being insensitive towards your own feelings.

Many at time, I want to fly back to Singapore and give up on my education here. I have a better job prospect. But I lost my best friend, I make you worse off. Friends VS Studies; I wonder why in the first place I chose studies.

I'm not a noble guy, who gave up on my happiness to grant you true love (Ridley) or what sort. I'm a selfish one who chose studies over you. Looking at the care bear you returned me, I ask myself if, a year ago I didn't leave Singapore, what would it be like now? What will I be doing? What will you be doing? Will you be more cheerful, or will you not be? I felt guilty when you tell me that you'll feel sour whenever you pass by my home or Priscilla's.

Lek said he don't have as much time to cheer you up as I do because he don't stay so near and that he as got his NS. I know he's trying his best to cheer you up whenever he book out, be it satisfying your financial needs or just to talk to you to make sure that everything is fine and he'll report to me. There's way to many things that you're hiding from me. I don't know why you're doing it, but I'm sure you have your own reason. Lek's my spy, Pris's your spy. I know you asked her alot about me, but she's unable to update you as much because I'm always beside her, listening.

I hope that after reading this post, you'll know why is it that I stayed away from you. Not because I no longer want you was my confidant, my best friend, my little sister. But that I don't want you to look for me whenever you need help. Not that I don't want to help you anymore, but that you have Ridley. And you should look for him first, before me. I don't want Ridley to feel jealous or anything. Anytime you feel that you need someone to talk to, Bryan is still here.

I hope we can go back like the past, sharing everything with each other. Except that now, I'm in Chicago and you're in Singapore. Everything else, remains the same. We'll still be best friends forever, right?

And again, Happy 18th Birthday girl. I'm sorry if I make you tear. You must stay strong, remember? Keep your promise and remember what you promised me on your birthday.

Love you, like how a best friend does. And do know that you're really fortunate to have many friends around you who love and care about you. Eighteenth birthday, a year older. Best wishes!